Tuesday, February 24, 2004
I have no job. I have no money. I have no pride. I have no life. It is a sad sad thing. But what do I have? Besides the Herpes that are in Remission currently that is, I have abuse from a psudo-french bastard (JFOR) why anyone would want to pretend to be a French Canadian is beyond me, but alas I digress. I have a shitty blog, I have animosity. I have a tendancy to randomly ramble about stuff that no one, not even myself, cares about or believes.
Ah! I suck at life. I appologize for the above statement. I have no clue where it came from, but I really don't care. So nothing like a semi-brawl followed by 4 hours of making pizzas under the watchful eye of what I am guessing is a relative, if not direct decendant of Reinhard Heydrich (the second in command of the SS and planner of the Final Solution during world war 2 for all you historically ignorant people out there). Then followed by a tight party with another brawl.
I am really not in the mood to write much today at all. This entry will probably be removed in the near future for the complete stupidity of it. But I felt it my duty to update for those of you who actually read this.
Ah! I suck at life. I appologize for the above statement. I have no clue where it came from, but I really don't care. So nothing like a semi-brawl followed by 4 hours of making pizzas under the watchful eye of what I am guessing is a relative, if not direct decendant of Reinhard Heydrich (the second in command of the SS and planner of the Final Solution during world war 2 for all you historically ignorant people out there). Then followed by a tight party with another brawl.
I am really not in the mood to write much today at all. This entry will probably be removed in the near future for the complete stupidity of it. But I felt it my duty to update for those of you who actually read this.
Friday, February 13, 2004
So, Valentine's Day is coming up. Talk about things I hate, V-Day tops the list. Maybe it is because the initials are VD (irony? i think not...), or maybe because it was just a self produced holiday to boost retail sales during the slow part of the year? Well either way you look at it, I feel that V-Day should revert back to it's ancient roots. It originated in 5th Century Rome as a tribute to St. Valentine, a Catholic bishop. (who gives lots of candy? Little boys.. Who said this catholic church scandel was a new thing.)
For eight hundred years prior to the establishment of Valentine's Day, the Romans had practiced a pagan celebration in mid-February commemorating young men's rite of passage to the god Lupercus. The celebration featured a lottery in which young men would draw the names of teenage girls from a box. The girl assigned to each young man in that manner would be his sexual companion during the remaining year. Now that is what I am talking about. Unfortunately it was not to last. In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery. Instead of the names of young women, the box would contain the names of saints. Both men and women were allowed to draw from the box, and the game was to emulate the ways of the saint they drew during the rest of the year. Needless to say, many of the young Roman men were not too pleased with the rule changes.
Instead of the pagan god Lupercus, the Church looked for a suitable patron saint of love to take his place. They found an appropriate choice in Valentine, who, in AD 270 had been beheaded by Emperor Claudius. In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery. Instead of the names of young women, the box would contain the names of saints. Both men and women were allowed to draw from the box, and the game was to emulate the ways of the saint they drew during the rest of the year. Needless to say, many of the young Roman men were not too pleased with the rule changes.
Claudius had determined that married men made poor soldiers. So he banned marriage from his empire. But Valentine would secretly marry young men that came to him. When Claudius found out about Valentine, he first tried to convert him to paganism. But Valentine reversed the strategy, trying instead to convert Claudius. When he failed, he was stoned and beheaded.
During the days that Valentine was imprisoned, he fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer. His love for her, and his great faith, managed to miraculously heal her from her blindness before his death. Before he was taken to his death, he signed a farewell message to her, "From your Valentine." The phrase has been used on his day ever since.
Although the lottery for women had been banned by the church, the mid-February holiday in commemoration of St. Valentine was still used by Roman men to seek the affection of women. It became a tradition for the men to give the ones they admired handwritten messages of affection, containing Valentine's name.
So, next time you go to Hallmark and try to buy a card to get you in the sack, cause lets face it ladies, it is what we are hoping for, remember Saint Valentine and his head. And be thankful that he got killed or else you could all be just names in a box and someone's eventual sex slave.
Happy VD!
Oh yea... God still hates you
For eight hundred years prior to the establishment of Valentine's Day, the Romans had practiced a pagan celebration in mid-February commemorating young men's rite of passage to the god Lupercus. The celebration featured a lottery in which young men would draw the names of teenage girls from a box. The girl assigned to each young man in that manner would be his sexual companion during the remaining year. Now that is what I am talking about. Unfortunately it was not to last. In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery. Instead of the names of young women, the box would contain the names of saints. Both men and women were allowed to draw from the box, and the game was to emulate the ways of the saint they drew during the rest of the year. Needless to say, many of the young Roman men were not too pleased with the rule changes.
Instead of the pagan god Lupercus, the Church looked for a suitable patron saint of love to take his place. They found an appropriate choice in Valentine, who, in AD 270 had been beheaded by Emperor Claudius. In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery. Instead of the names of young women, the box would contain the names of saints. Both men and women were allowed to draw from the box, and the game was to emulate the ways of the saint they drew during the rest of the year. Needless to say, many of the young Roman men were not too pleased with the rule changes.
Claudius had determined that married men made poor soldiers. So he banned marriage from his empire. But Valentine would secretly marry young men that came to him. When Claudius found out about Valentine, he first tried to convert him to paganism. But Valentine reversed the strategy, trying instead to convert Claudius. When he failed, he was stoned and beheaded.
During the days that Valentine was imprisoned, he fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer. His love for her, and his great faith, managed to miraculously heal her from her blindness before his death. Before he was taken to his death, he signed a farewell message to her, "From your Valentine." The phrase has been used on his day ever since.
Although the lottery for women had been banned by the church, the mid-February holiday in commemoration of St. Valentine was still used by Roman men to seek the affection of women. It became a tradition for the men to give the ones they admired handwritten messages of affection, containing Valentine's name.
So, next time you go to Hallmark and try to buy a card to get you in the sack, cause lets face it ladies, it is what we are hoping for, remember Saint Valentine and his head. And be thankful that he got killed or else you could all be just names in a box and someone's eventual sex slave.
Happy VD!
Oh yea... God still hates you
Thursday, February 12, 2004
So yet another thing I hate. Kittens. They are highly over rated, and frankly, I hate them. They are completely worthless, have this whole holier than thou attitude that just doesn't fly. Show me anyone who is willing to tell me that kittens are cuter than puppies and I'll show you someone who is about to catch an old fashioned beatdown. It's painfully obvious: puppies are ten times better than kittens. My friends and I have gotten into many a drunken brawl with different guys who tried to argue that kittens are the cutest thing alive. And don't think I'd exclusively beat up guys either. If a woman ever came up to me and tried to claim that her kitten is cuter than a puppy, I'd slap her right then and there. I don't care about hitting a woman as long as its for the purpose of stopping "cute kitten propaganda." If she wants equality and the right to vote so badly, well then she's earned the right to get her ass equally kicked. (btw Scott says they are the drag queens of the animal planet)
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
So as of late, the French have been getting bashed. Being not French by any means, I feel it is my civic duty as an American, especially an American of German decent, to bash them as well. For those of you who know me, you will realize that I have a deep seated hate for the French. Why? That is what everyone tends to ask, my response: Why not?
Where do I begin? I hate French people, I hate France, I hate anyone who speaks French. Hey Pierre, where do you get off thinking you are so badass? Germany smacked you up and made you its bitch in WW II. Consider yourself lucky that America saved you, otherwise you'd be speaking Deutsche and eating Wienerschnitzel with Adolf's grandchildren.You aren't even a super power anymore for Christ's sake. You're just riding off the 200 year old coat tails of Napoleon's vertically challenged rage. When's the last time any of you smelly bastards did something worthwhile? Made some cheese? Made some croissants? Who the hell cares.If I ever mutter that phrase or anything else in French, the reason better be that I'm so doped up on tranquilizers and barbiturates that I don't know up from down. You suck France.
Since we are on the topic of France, war immediatly springs to mind. Another thing I do not like are those damn anti-war protesters. So, you're against the war? Don't like how our country is handling foreign policy issues concerning rogue states? Here's an idea: move to France and take your whorish ideologies with you. I hope you realize that if you lived in Iraq and were protesting the government there, you'd be shot dead under Saddam's oppressive regime. No one cares about your marches or your rallies except for yourself. Given the liberal bias of most popular news outlets, you would think your "cause" would get more attention, but instead they only show you getting your asses handed to you by riot police.
I realize our glorious country allows freedom of speech, press, assembly and all that other good stuff, but in situations dealing with treasonous infidels like anti-war protestors, I believe they should be rounded up, hogtied, and publicly beaten with Red, White and Blue baseball bats.
That's it, I think I ranted enough for one day.
Remember kids, God hates you.
Where do I begin? I hate French people, I hate France, I hate anyone who speaks French. Hey Pierre, where do you get off thinking you are so badass? Germany smacked you up and made you its bitch in WW II. Consider yourself lucky that America saved you, otherwise you'd be speaking Deutsche and eating Wienerschnitzel with Adolf's grandchildren.You aren't even a super power anymore for Christ's sake. You're just riding off the 200 year old coat tails of Napoleon's vertically challenged rage. When's the last time any of you smelly bastards did something worthwhile? Made some cheese? Made some croissants? Who the hell cares.If I ever mutter that phrase or anything else in French, the reason better be that I'm so doped up on tranquilizers and barbiturates that I don't know up from down. You suck France.
Since we are on the topic of France, war immediatly springs to mind. Another thing I do not like are those damn anti-war protesters. So, you're against the war? Don't like how our country is handling foreign policy issues concerning rogue states? Here's an idea: move to France and take your whorish ideologies with you. I hope you realize that if you lived in Iraq and were protesting the government there, you'd be shot dead under Saddam's oppressive regime. No one cares about your marches or your rallies except for yourself. Given the liberal bias of most popular news outlets, you would think your "cause" would get more attention, but instead they only show you getting your asses handed to you by riot police.
I realize our glorious country allows freedom of speech, press, assembly and all that other good stuff, but in situations dealing with treasonous infidels like anti-war protestors, I believe they should be rounded up, hogtied, and publicly beaten with Red, White and Blue baseball bats.
That's it, I think I ranted enough for one day.
Remember kids, God hates you.
Okay... So I decided to try to do another blog, seeing as how the first one was rather trite and trivial. Here I will be expressing my likes, my dislikes, social commentary, and other shit that I am sure no one really cares about but for some reason will still read.
