Saturday, February 19, 2005
I have realized that I am a jealous person.... I am jealous of other people and their interactions with significant others. For some reason I fail miserably in that aspect. I don't understand it. I am under the curse of being able to save everyone elses relationships but my own. I just can't do it. I cannot listen to my own advice, I chose not to listen to other people's advice. I am an idiot. When I finally find someone that I COULD see myself with for a very long period of time, I fuck it up. Is this based on my past? My very fucked up relationship track record? What is it?!?!?! I just don't know. Rather than hold the good things in my life close to me, I subconciously push them away. The one's that I think something could happen with are typically those with whole I have been relegated to the much feared 'friends' status with.
All i have in this world are my balls and my word.... I don't break them for no man....
-Tony Montana
Scarface
Fuck off
All i have in this world are my balls and my word.... I don't break them for no man....
-Tony Montana
Scarface
Fuck off
Things I have to say about "The Notebook". Not only does the film lack any interesting content, it is completely redundant. If you can actually make it through the title screen without dumping your girlfriend and making a run for it you'll soon discover two horrible truths to the movie. Scare the shit out of me point #1: One of the main characters is in fact a really nasty chick who needs to make good friends with a tanning bed. If you can stomach this chick, I suggest trying out for Fear Factor. Crap in my pants point #2: On the other side of a spectrum you'd rather not analize, you have a really ghetto and broke guy who resembles a wet rat. A blind man could figure out what happens next. With no common sense whatsoever, the two end up falling in love with each other and slutting it up all over the place while the girls parents are like ummm WTF! our daughter has the standards of Forest Whittaker! Don't see this movie. PERIOD!
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Ah yes
Valentine's Day.... Feb. 14th.... As you may (or may not) know, I despise this holiday....
Valentines Day... ah, the powerful emotions it doth evoke. Images of young lovers holding hands, the exchange of flowers and heart shaped boxes of chocloate candy, laughter, joy, love, love, love; all this coupled with the promise of the impending spring thaw.
It's enough to make a free thinking individual want to gouge his own eyeballs out with an old rusty pair of scissors.
You hate Valentine's Day. Every year you screw up your face in disgust when your eyes fall on the center of your February calendar. Every year you glare in contempt and hatred at these ignorant fools who buy into this money-making scheme of unabashed transparent nothingess thinkly disguised as a day to show that special loved one just how much you care, while leaving those of us who are not in the throes of love to feel rejected, unloved, and downright inadequate. And those of you who are lucky enough to share the companionship of another are very aware that passing this wretched date by unheeded will result in scorn and contempt from your partner.
You've finally had enough, and you want to take action, but you are at a loss as of what kind of action to take. In a stroke of rare generosity, I have compiled a list of things you can do to make February 14 a tolerable, and even perhaps enjoyable, day for those of who refuse to be enslaved by commercialism.
Firebomb all the Hallmark card shops you can find. The greeting card industry created this "holiday" and the most effective way of ridding ourselves of it is to destroy it at the source. Greeting card shops sell primarily paper goods, and will burn quite efficiently.
Gather a large amount of sympathetic malcontents together and declare February 14 as a Day of Hate. Ridicule those who are less fortunate than you, refuel old ethnic hatred while encouraging the hate that already exists, explode an advertising binge of misanthropy. Be sure to be extremely vocal so as to get the attention of the media. Break lots of things with reckless abandon. Carry placards with catchy hateful slogans, such as "Hate Is Great", "Have You Exploited Someone Today?" and "Fuck Love". Hit the malls and be sure to torch all the greeting card shops (see (1)). This will have the positive side effect of destroying the malls where today's vacuous youth, extremely vulnerable to advertising, run rampant like a bad case of hives.
Upon coming in contact with aforementioned amourous starry-eyed couples, proceed to exclaim loudly to either one, "Why didn't you call me! You told me our passionate night together was only the beginning?! Who the hell is *this* cretin? Don't you know that s/he could never love you like I can?! You're coming with *me*!" Etc., ad nauseum. Be very animated, and feel free to physically get in between these two clueless sots. To be especially effective, do your research ahead of time and seek out certian couples. Learn their names, their habits and lifestyles, and capitalize on this. By ruining their holiday of love together, you will be adding them to the ranks of bitter V.D. malcontents.
You get the picture. Refuse to be passive! Join the ranks of the angry, the bitter, the angstful, and smash this day into oblivion. You'll thank me for it in the end, I guarantee.
Valentine's Day.... Feb. 14th.... As you may (or may not) know, I despise this holiday....
Valentines Day... ah, the powerful emotions it doth evoke. Images of young lovers holding hands, the exchange of flowers and heart shaped boxes of chocloate candy, laughter, joy, love, love, love; all this coupled with the promise of the impending spring thaw.
It's enough to make a free thinking individual want to gouge his own eyeballs out with an old rusty pair of scissors.
You hate Valentine's Day. Every year you screw up your face in disgust when your eyes fall on the center of your February calendar. Every year you glare in contempt and hatred at these ignorant fools who buy into this money-making scheme of unabashed transparent nothingess thinkly disguised as a day to show that special loved one just how much you care, while leaving those of us who are not in the throes of love to feel rejected, unloved, and downright inadequate. And those of you who are lucky enough to share the companionship of another are very aware that passing this wretched date by unheeded will result in scorn and contempt from your partner.
You've finally had enough, and you want to take action, but you are at a loss as of what kind of action to take. In a stroke of rare generosity, I have compiled a list of things you can do to make February 14 a tolerable, and even perhaps enjoyable, day for those of who refuse to be enslaved by commercialism.
Firebomb all the Hallmark card shops you can find. The greeting card industry created this "holiday" and the most effective way of ridding ourselves of it is to destroy it at the source. Greeting card shops sell primarily paper goods, and will burn quite efficiently.
Gather a large amount of sympathetic malcontents together and declare February 14 as a Day of Hate. Ridicule those who are less fortunate than you, refuel old ethnic hatred while encouraging the hate that already exists, explode an advertising binge of misanthropy. Be sure to be extremely vocal so as to get the attention of the media. Break lots of things with reckless abandon. Carry placards with catchy hateful slogans, such as "Hate Is Great", "Have You Exploited Someone Today?" and "Fuck Love". Hit the malls and be sure to torch all the greeting card shops (see (1)). This will have the positive side effect of destroying the malls where today's vacuous youth, extremely vulnerable to advertising, run rampant like a bad case of hives.
Upon coming in contact with aforementioned amourous starry-eyed couples, proceed to exclaim loudly to either one, "Why didn't you call me! You told me our passionate night together was only the beginning?! Who the hell is *this* cretin? Don't you know that s/he could never love you like I can?! You're coming with *me*!" Etc., ad nauseum. Be very animated, and feel free to physically get in between these two clueless sots. To be especially effective, do your research ahead of time and seek out certian couples. Learn their names, their habits and lifestyles, and capitalize on this. By ruining their holiday of love together, you will be adding them to the ranks of bitter V.D. malcontents.
You get the picture. Refuse to be passive! Join the ranks of the angry, the bitter, the angstful, and smash this day into oblivion. You'll thank me for it in the end, I guarantee.
